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Last month's note was about peace and magic and "enjoying the holidays." I'm still chuckling, reading back over it. My big fat plan was to "be part of the day and appreciate what is new and good." I talked about decorating and slowing down and catching snowflakes on my tongue. It was hysterical. The problem is that despite having the best of intentions to breathe and, get this, "settle into the motion of the ocean," (was I high?) life happens. Five minutes after I was done writing that tripe, I was feeling pretty good. I had popped the Zen pill into my pie hole and was actually swallowing it. Floating on my wave of tranquility, I went to decorate my plant shelves. I pulled out the garland, flowers and lights (my magic Christmas Plant Shelf Combo Platter) and started making my way up the ladder. (Quick tangent: A few years ago, I was decorating the top of our China cabinet and fell off the ladder from the step that clearly says, "DO NOT STAND ON THIS STEP OR ABOVE IT" and has a helpful drawing of a man falling backwards. So I was falling backwards, and all I could think was, "Don't let the ladder scratch the China cabinet!" Somehow, like a cat, I flipped over mid-fall and landed unscathed thanks to my bouncy chest body parts. My son watched the whole thing and practically peed himself laughing.) After I placed the garland around the plant shelf decor (none of which are plants - I should call it "Random Crap Shelf") from the SECOND to the last step (I use long kitchen tongs now because I was cursed with T-Rex arms and I'm not standing on that last step with the helpful drawing) I get the lights ready. Before I start back up the ladder, I decide to check the strand I have in my hand. I plug it in and… nothing. That's okay. I have seven more strands. Plug, nothing. Nothing. Nothing. NOTHING. All of my light strands had suffocated and expired in the hot attic. After going through all the lights, I realized I was holding my breath. I exhaled… enjoy the holidays… motion of the ocean. Then my husband came in and said something incredibly stupid, like "It's no big deal - we'll get LED lights" and I had a complete meltdown. Flash forward to the next week and I'm putting up LED lights. The box clearly said, "Twinkling," but the bastards were flashing. And they were blue. I tried to breathe and center myself and be Zen but BLUE?!? Are you KIDDING ME?!? After a week of trying to accept them and breathe, I started to hyperventilate. So the lights went back to Ace Hardware and I'm planning on getting back on the ladder today with the third set of lights to pass through my life this year. Three days before Christmas. My new plan is to have the house decorated by New Years. Or Easter. And breathe. Or, at the very least, never fall off the ladder again. ~ 2 OUR YUCAIPA | JANUARY 2014 Courtney

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