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46 FOUR SEASONS BREEZE | JANUARY 2019 Bereavement Group Often when others refer to this group, they call it a "grief group." And of course, it is. But I was thinking about that terminology after one of our recent meetings, and realized that in addition to grief there are other designations, equally as descriptive, which could be used. If we based the group name on some of the feelings engendered in the room, it could be the "I feel so welcomed" group. Most often a person walks into the room rather tentatively, looks around cautiously, then slides imto a chair and sits quietly, eyes focused on the table in front of them. But not for long. Almost immediately the others introduce themselves and begin to share about what loss has brought them into the room. The newcomer starts to relax and to realize that they have walked into a very caring environment. And then it could be called the "maybe I'm not so strange after all" group. Often new participants are fearful that what they are feeling and experiencing is different or somehow wrong. But as sharing progresses the exclamation, "oh, you do that too?" is often heard. And right then a process called normalization has occurred. "If I'm not the only one who is doing that or feeling that, then it must be normal and I must be normal." Such relief! Or the group designation might be "crying does not mean I'm not healing." Tears have several functions. In addition to keeping our eyes moist, they are brought about by emotion. Why is it that "I laughed so hard I cried" is perfectly acceptable, even desirable, but "I missed my spouse at Thanksgiving dinner and I cried" can be construed as a sign of weakness or lack of healing by ourselves and others? I lost my dear husband nine years ago and am well along the healing path, but yesterday I teared up as I replaced the kitchen chairs he and I used with new ones. I just allowed myself the touching moment, then continued what I was doing. The "I'm learning that it's okay to be happy" name would be appropriate after the group had functioned for several months. As participants take small steps leading to a new life, they begin to drop the guilt and fear they may have at the idea that life can again be pleasurable. After all, as we often discuss, who more than our departed loved one would be rooting for us to move forward and to be happy? This idea for group names is, of course, just a way to emphasize what the grief process entails. These are just a few suggestions. There could be many more. If you have experienced a loss and would like to try joining us, you can just show up or you can get in touch with me first. My phone number is (951) 922-0934 and my email is lauriemlarson425@gmail.com We meet in the RCN Conference Room on Mondays from 1 to 3 pm. ~ Laurie Larson

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