Issue link: https://imageup.uberflip.com/i/1119001
38 FOUR SEASONS BREEZE | JUNE 2019 Writers' Club Bereavement Group Some of the most helpful, healing aspects of the Bereavement Group are that the others in the group do not judge, do not change the subject, do not try to fix each other, do not spout platitudes, and don't intellectualize when another member is talking. Often, outside of the group, some or all of these things take place when the grieving person tries to share their thoughts and feeling with others. As I wrote last month, most of us do not do well when someone we know or care about starts to cry or to tell us how much they miss the person whose loss they are grieving. We might do any or all of the above, unhelpful actions, not because we don't care, but because we are so uncomfortable, fearful we'll make things worse. So we change the subject: "I know you're having a hard time, but you don't look it. That color is great on you." Or we try to fix them: "Have you tried adding extra vitamin C to your diet? It's really supposed to help fortify us." Or we spout platitudes: "God must have wanted him to come home." Or intellectualize: " You won't be alone for long. You'll find somebody else." Or even judge: "She's been gone for six months. Don't you think you've cried enough? You need to get out of the house more." Again, we don't say those things because we don't care, but because we are so uncomfortable. Since we have not been shown or taught how to just listen and empathize, we try to maneuver our way out of our discomfort. And frequently the result is an empty feeling inside, a nagging "that doesn't feel so great." All too often, the bereaved person will stop talking about how they really are and what they need. They don't want to upset anyone, so they don't ask for help or for comfort. "The kids have their own lives. They're busy with work and the grandkids. They don't have time to come this weekend." So no one gets comfort. In actuality, getting together and talking and crying and remembering would most likely be the best help for everyone. If you are grieving a loss and would like to share in a safe and comforting environment, come to a meeting of the Bereavement Group. You will be welcomed and listened to. We meet on Mondays from 1 to 3 pm in the RCN Conference Room. You can just come, or you can contact me first by email at lauriemlarson425@gmail.com or call to (951) 922-0934. All contact is confidential. ~ Laurie Larson The audience cried, laughed, screeched and clapped during the Wine and Words event last month. The Taste d'Vine and African American Culture Clubs joined with the Writers' Club for the first ever word and wine event. Authors from the Writers' Club and others recited and read book excerpts and favorite poems out loud from a microphoned lectern in The Lodge Ballroom. The event was well attended and appreciated by all. The Writers' Club meets on the second Tuesday of the month at 1:30 pm in The Lodge. Writing is a process and a progression. Join us and you will find a nurturing group of people who discuss the practical aspects of writing; writer's block, angst, procrastination, methods of publication, and editing software, to name a few topics. ~ Karla Noonan, knoonan1973@gmail.com