Issue link: https://imageup.uberflip.com/i/1531973
8 SOLERA DIAMOND VALLEY | FEBRUARY 2025 By Annette Hillis, Resident A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person," wrote author Mignon McLaughlin. But how do couples manage to do this year aer year, even in retirement? Is it shared values, eective communication, humor, or something as simple as enjoying each other's company? For couples who have been together for decades, the answers are as varied as their love stories. In honor of Valentine's Day, long-term partners and a semi-retired Marriage, Family, Child erapist (MFT) with a Doctorate in Psychology, were asked to share their insights. Harriet Salts, a therapist who has worked in the Hemet area for many years, says, in her experience, several traits stand out in couples who experience lasting relationships, even into their golden years. Being a good listener is key, she shares, as is being accepting of dierences. e ability to compromise and to stay open to a partner as personal changes are occurring can be crucial to older couples. She states that couples should not expect their partner to be perfect or to stay the same forever. eresa Rossetti, Solera Diamond Valley (SDV) resident, hints at how societal norms and cultural expectations have shaped the endurance of her 51 years of marriage to her husband, Sal. "Both of us were raised Catholic; divorce was never an option. We had to work through our problems." Salts reiterates Rossetti's claim that an adherence to permanence in a relationship has changed over the years. "Divorce was not as prevalent in previous generations. Women were sometimes not able to nancially provide for themselves. Due to the thinking of inequality, husbands were the boss, and a woman oen had little say regarding her partner's decision-making." Salts and Rossetti agree that older couples need to have patience with one another during sickness and other life challenges. In fact, Rossetti says that her husband's loving care for her when she has been ill has been extremely endearing. Karen Range has been married to her husband, Rick, for 32 years and are also SDV residents. She believes that courteous interactions with a partner is an important part of any relationship. Range's philosophy is to communicate issues respectfully but do so without making the other person wrong. She acknowledges that having the willingness to forgive is vital to staying together. "We will both admit when we are wrong or have done something that hurts the other person, and we will apologize." Along those same lines, Range believes that having a strong faith and shared Christian values have contributed to the longevity of her marriage. Remembering all the good times and blessings the two of them have experienced over the years is also part of their beliefs. Range credits doing things together as another element in keeping their union strong. However, having a sense of humor ranks highly in importance in her book. In fact, it is the one thing Range says she would not change about her husband for the world. "He's kept me laughing for 32 years." For Rossetti's part, her tongue-in-cheek humorous side sums up the divorce dilemma nicely. "Murder was still possible, but I don't look good in orange." Longevity in Relationships Did You Miss It? Comedy Night was a hoot!