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FOUR SEASONS BREEZE | MAY 2025 55 Life After Loss "Avoiding the Should's" Experiencing personal grief is often unnecessarily weighed down by the pressure of unrealistic expectations, known as "the should's." Should's can be voiced by others in statements such as "he/she should be getting on with their life," or via our own internal thoughts with judgments like "I should be over this by now." However they are formulated, all "should's," are examples of faulty, wishful thinking that reject the present (what is real) and, instead, focus on the imaginary (what is non-real). Grief impacts our ability to be f lexible, self-compassionate and aware of our own needs. Unchecked, grief can then begin to affect our own emotional well-being and damage our relationships with others. I would like to suggest several ways in dealing with "should statements" so that we can hopefully be more mindful in dealing with our own grief. Acknowledge the Unpredictability of Grief: Grief/emotions can f luctuate, go dormant, come in waves, or even camouf lage themselves in a range of differing emotions, such as sadness, anger, and even confusion. All are perfectly normal and part of the healing process. Remember, there is no "right" or "wrong" way to grieve. Lower Personal Expectations: Grief is not a linear process, so don't expect to move through the stages of grief in a specific order or at a certain pace. Grief is a process, not a destination. Allow yourself time to heal and personally process your loss. Especially during special memories, seasonal holidays, and times of special family significance. Increase Personal Awareness: Write down every "should" statement you make during the day. Construct the "should's" into more kind statements that are more realistic and positive. Suddenly, failed expectations like, "I should go to the gym" can become simple possibilities … "I am going to make the gym a priority." Practice Self-Compassion: Practice feeling emotions without judgment. Find activities that bring you comfort and relaxation. Talk to close friends, family members, or a therapist about your feelings. Conversing with those you trust can open the door to the healing of the soul. The Life After Loss Group is about "people helping people" who have encountered any form of grief/loss in their life. Should you desire a deeper understanding of what it means to live a more meaningful "life after loss" we invite you to join us. Unless otherwise notified, we meet the first and third Mondays of each month from 1 to 3 pm in RCN Room #3. All information is kept confidential. If you have experienced a form of grief/loss and would like to join the group, text/call Byron Thomsen beforehand at (909) 936-7097 or email him at byron.thomsen@yahoo.com. ~ Byron omsen So far in 2025, we have discussed why Matthew, Mark and Luke are called the Synoptic Gospels, and to which specific audience(s) they wrote. Matthew was designated to write to the Hebrew people; Mark wrote to the Romans; and Dr. Luke wrote for the Gentiles. Although there are four "Gospels" in the Bible, only Matthew, Mark and Luke [the Synoptic Gospels] contain the parables of Jesus — the Gospel of John contains no parables. They word "Synoptic" comes from the Greek word "synopsis" which is defined as a brief summary. In class we assigned the definition of the parables Jesus taught as "an earthly story with a heavenly message." It is interesting to note that Luke had never met Christ, yet he captured the details and meanings in each parable he wrote about — most likely hearing from firsthand witnesses: Matthew, Mark, and some of the other apostles and/or disciples. After discussing and comparing each of the parables, in April we began reading about the miracles of Jesus and their recorded differences and similarities. In May, we will tie everything together as we discuss and compare the final week of Jesus' life as recorded in the Gospels, as well as touching on other pertinent and poignant entries by each of the writers. Make no mistake, the Gospels were recorded by the "writers" as denoted above, but the actual Author of the Bible is God. If any of you lovely Four Seasons women would be interested in attending our study of the Bible, we meet every Friday at 10:30 am in The Lodge Game Room. C'mon over and check us out! We'll be happily looking for you. ~ Eileen Gilbert-Antoine, (951) 922-6829 or egcellent@msn.com "Believe …" Women's Bible Study

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