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SOLERA DIAMOND VALLEY | NOVEMBER 2026 9 By Annette Hillis, Resident Are human beings completely losing their civility? According to Dr. Jay Van Bavel, Professor of Psychology and Neural Science at New York University, "Being in America today is like being a child in a family where the parents are always fighting." Constant chaos is all around us. Recent research by Van Bavel and his co-author, Dr. Dominic Packer, suggests that many Americans perceive that civility and the use of good manners are declining. Two key areas where disrespect and hostility seem to be the most apparent are online, particularly on social media, and in the political arena. While disagreements among folks are not new, digital communication and pervasive political polarization amplify their visibility. In today's world, a small number of highly discourteous individuals can reach millions of people online. The speed with which that conflict spreads can be staggering. Van Bavel also argues that when the leaders in our society consistently defy social norms, those norms erode, so we are more likely to feel that the behavior is acceptable. He claims that people are often devoid of manners, not because they are inherently rude, but because they have come to view others primarily as an opposing group that threatens their identity. When identities become threatened, disagreement can spiral into contempt. Living in a senior community does not shield us from the mayhem. But when a group of people resides in a microcosm of society such as ours, the environment tends to lean more toward fostering and promoting courtesy, cooperation, and social accountability, researchers believe. It's the "power of us" at play, according to Van Bavel: when a community shares a close connection and a common purpose, the group becomes greater than the sum of its parts. Van Bavel's latest book, e Power of Us: Harnessing Our Shared Identities to Improve Performance, Increase Cooperation, and Promote Social Harmony, explores a simple but powerful idea: who we are is shaped largely by the groups we belong to. Once we identify with a group, we are more likely to trust fellow members, cooperate with them, defend them, and adopt similar beliefs. If our country appears to be increasingly divided, Van Bavel's research also offers a tiny bit of optimism. Human behavior is not only shaped by conflict but also by the amiable forces of connection and a sense of belonging. When people see themselves as part of the larger "we," civility becomes much more natural. Perhaps that's one of the strengths of community living. Every friendly greeting, volunteer effort, or fun-filled ballroom gathering helps reinforce the bonds that connect us. In a world where discourteous behavior abounds, neighborhoods like ours can serve as a reminder that good old-fashioned manners live on and are something we must continue to nurture. MANNERS, INTERRUPTED

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