Issue link: https://imageup.uberflip.com/i/674203
6 OUR YUCAIPA | MAY 2016 The Middle of the Road: By Randy Peters, a middle-aged, middle-income, middle-school teacher This one's for Cameron - thanks buddy During the last week or so of trying to write this month's column, I've had a chance to learn new things, ask significant questions of myself, and participate in some rewarding conversations. The reason for this ethereal experience? I have complete and frustrating writer's block. I haven't been sure of what I was going to write about this month. What do people want to hear about? What has happened in my life that I can share (and still hold my head high in town)? Here is some of what I've learned. I've figured out how to arrange my shirts by type and color in the closet. I've counted them to determine how many days I can wear a different shirt without repeating. I've played a lot of Hoyle card games on the computer – and I do mean a lot. I've made Clair, Jack, and Tony my 'go-to' computer- generated card friends. I wonder if they can somehow feel as challenged by our games of Canasta or Crazy Eights as I do. I sometimes make up dialogue for them as we play. I've also learned that I can beat a round of Klondike Solitaire in under three minutes. How's that for an accomplishment? Some of the questions I've pondered during the last week make me a little nervous that they even cross my mind. I would look at my hands resting on the keyboard and wonder why some fingernails seem to grow faster than others. Speaking of fingernails, how can those two actually be dirty? I haven't done anything today to warrant dirt under my fingernails. I wonder what a manicure would feel like. People getting 'mani-pedis' look relaxed. Should I get one? Do men admit to getting mani-pedis? Would I have to leave town or wear a hat and sunglasses and sneak into a nail salon? I like the office chair I'm sitting in. I can lean back in it, but that makes me nervous. I enjoy swiveling back and forth as I wait for inspiration. How many calories am I burning as I push myself right and left? Surely this must be an exercise somewhere. Is it helping my calf muscles develop? How many times can I spin without needing to push again? Then I have to wonder how many paper towels I will use to mop up my coffee that I just spilled. I think about checking my email, but I don't. I'm afraid that my publisher, Courtney, will have sent me a reminder that the deadline for this column is approaching and she hadn't received anything yet. Then I start thinking about writing the column and how much I do enjoy writing. I pull up my old columns for inspiration. I notice some themes and topics of which I might want to write follow-up columns. No, I have not retired yet. Yes, people ask me about it on a regular basis. Yes, I still enjoy teaching and find it very rewarding and appreciate the acknowledgements during my career. Yes, I am still trying to get in shape and become healthier. In fact, I just ran (well, actually walked) my first 5K a couple of weeks ago. I don't go to the gym as often, but work out at home more. No, Ellen DeGeneres still has never contacted me about my experience as a disgruntled audience member at her show. However, I'm not sure she gets a copy of the magazine, so I should give her a break, right? Who am I kidding? I'm still bitter! My wife still loves her music and those who make it. Since the last column, she talked with Tommy Shaw after a concert. She asked him to sing part of her favorite Styx song, "Sing for the Day." Not only did he sing it for her, she sang along with him and helped him through a couple of the lines that he had forgotten. A few weeks back, we went to see Peter Frampton. Mr. Frampton's posters decorated my wife's room as a teenager. Well, guess whose RV pulled over after the concert so Peter Frampton could meet five fans waiting outside for the singer? Some things never change! I spoke with several friends and colleagues about topics for the columns. Some wanted to hear more about my journey toward a healthier me. Some gave me a list of concerts they want my wife to take them to. A few want me to know the Ellen probably is a very nice person once you get to know her. Many want me to discuss more about retirement so they can learn from my research. Many paid compliments to just be enjoying the magazine every month. But the best comment came from a colleague who told me how last month she was driving her two children home. Her 10-year- old son started shouting, "It's here! It's here!" as they drove up the driveway. He bolted from the car and ran back down to scoop up last month's edition of Our Yucaipa. She said he went in the house, got comfortable and read through the entire edition. Well, Cameron, your enthusiasm got me through another column. I hope you enjoy it and might be able to send me more ideas for the upcoming months! By the way, are you able to hook me up with Ellen DeGeneres? Keep your eyes on the road.