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6 SOLERA DIAMOND VALLEY | SEPTEMBER 2016 By Alan Siegel, Resident I'm coming out. It's taken me until now to thoroughly admit it to myself. But, well, I'll admit it now. I'm a geezer. Every day I wonder how far I've traveled down the road to Geezer Land. A geezer is someone whose metabolism hasn't worked since the 90s. Someone whose social calendar is filled with doctor appointments. Someone who is running out of cartilage in every joint in their body. Someone who has pain in places that they never even knew they had places. Someone who has stopped caring if they have food stains on their shirt. Relatively speaking, I've more or less just merged into the slow lane on the road to Geezer Land. I'm sort of being mentored by my geezer friends, many of whom are a lot further down the road than I. I've learned that a geezer mostly eats cereal and soup. Geezers remember when a phone was for phone calls, and the phone was in the kitchen. Geezers always ask, "What day is today?" and "What did you say?" Curiously, some geezers have more than a lifetime supply of toilet paper that they leave behind for their heirs. Many geezers have more toilet paper than money when they die. Too bad for the kids. Let them fight over the toilet paper. Geezers still go to the bank to talk to a teller. The teller's are glad that they don't have to flip burgers while they're back there and they're glad the bank is still willing to pay a few kids to stand at the counter and talk to the geezers. It must be an intimidating feeling for a young teller to see the line at the ATM processing customers quickly and efficiently, while the geezer in front of them is spending enough time making a deposit or withdrawal that you could do your tax return while waiting for them to get moving. A geezer doesn't care anymore about what anyone thinks about him. A geezer loses control over what comes out of his or her mouth as well as what comes out anywhere else. Remember June Allyson advertising Depends? I used to think that was hysterical 40 years ago. I used to call her "Puddles." But now, when I think back, I think she was kind of cute, for a geezer. And I see the whole Depends thing from a different perspective now. But the essence of a true geezer is someone who is more themselves now than they've ever been before. We've got a lot of wonderful geezers in our community. But have no fear. Because, as far as I can see, the road to Geezer Land is the road to freedom. The other day Michelle and I went out to dinner at a restaurant with "mood" lighting. The waitress handed us menus and asked, "Is there anything I can get for you to get you started?" "Yes," I said, "could you bring me a flashlight and a magnifying glass?" Go ahead, don't be afraid to GET YOUR GEEZER ON. It's September & I'm Getting My Geezer On

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